How To Tell Someone They Sound Racist

The point was you said it was intended to poke fun at traditional chivalry like it was a fact. But it was just your speculation. We define chivalrous differently apparently. And I never heard of someone trying to flatter a 21 year old man by wishing him a happy 60th birthday. What they said and what kind of person they are are 2 different discussions.[1] Well meaning people accept constructive criticism. I know people who would like what you wrote better. I know people who would think telling them you're sure they didn't mean something was insincere and condescending. The 1st reply that mentioned the attempted joke just said please don't make sexist comments.[2] It was appropriate for an aside on a technical mailing list. The joker could have replied off list if they didn't understand. They doubled down instead like you said. Someone else called it cancel culture and called other people hypocrites. Someone else compared it to witch burning. Someone else implied assuming good intentions meant ignoring anything unintentionally objectionable. The reaction to that was someone proposed a different standard. The reaction to that was trolling. [1] ▶ this video [2] link

You're turning a discussion about what someone did into a discussion about who they are.[1] [1] ▶ this video

They didn't say or ask if he turned into a misogynist. The question is about what he said. Not what he is.[1] [1] ▶ this video

When telling someone that something they said was racist, it's important to keep it focused not on the person but the act. Racism and prejudice is learned, and it can certainly be unlearned. Unfortunately, you cannot unlearn mental illness. ▶ this video

The developers are not racist. My entire original point is their attitudes and intents were irrelevant. The system they created is very much racist, completely independent about how they felt in creating it; I'm not sure how you can really dispute that. The venerable Jay Smooth describes a closely-related distinction here[0]. Also, when you describe a system as racist that's somewhat different from describing a person as racist, which might be a place we're talking past each other. Re: the culture/race/ethnicity terminology quagmire, the sister comment by dragonwriter explains it well. [0] ▶ this video

For those of you who think I was wrong to suggest that jellicle's statement was uncomfortably racist: we might have to agree to disagree, here. The vast majority of street food is run by immigrants, and it's a perfect entry point for them to get into the local economy they have chosen to make their home in. People who were born here are smart to use the food truck as a way to test a concept before they try it in a restaurant format. Perhaps we'll see that happening more and more. There's certainly all cultures represented in Portland. Meanwhile, we're all immigrants here unless you come from native background. I don't think the original commenter is a racist person, but his comment comparing food trucks to parasites is uncomfortable at best and shameful at worst. Here's a test: go ask 100 food truck operators if they think some guy on a tech forum calling food trucks "parasites" is racist, and get back to us. ▶ this video

If you replace the instances of "white men" with "mainstream white culture" his arguments are much stronger and I believe to be his original intent. "And it’s not a matter of generalizing white people, rather it’s being real about the culture San Francisco creates." The author is angry that white culture perpetuates racism and privilege, which himself and other cultural minorities are now forced to tolerate at their workplace. His choice of words was obviously inappropriate and while I'm not excusing how his point was said I don't believe it was his intention to make his point using racist statements. This is a classic example of "What you said was racist VS. You are a racist": ▶ this video

> Let's assume for a while that Arrington was really racist Even if that were true, the last thing you should do is call him one. ▶ this video If someone makes a racist comment, attack the comment, not the person.

as near as i could read, no one was attacking Noah -- just Noah's behavior, which seems out of line. See the "i'm not calling you a racist, i'm calling your behavior racist" crucial line of distinction. ( ▶ this video ) Noah can be a sweet, helpful, lovable teddy bear, and still have behavior that needs to be called out.